Weeknight Dinner: Lemon Basil Porkchops with Creamy Potato Salad

Suzie Q and DS have been vacationing in our home state of Colorado now for about a week and a half with my twin nephews – Alex and Jack. My sister Krissy had dropped the boys off at my parents house, and on the way back she and her husband Pat came to visit. We had a blast showing them our town – taking them to all our favorite spots (D’Vine Wine Bar? Check! Johnny’s Little Bar? Check! Velvet Dog Rooftop Patio? Check! Barley House? Check check check!).

Cheers!!

 

Johnny’s Little Bar = Our CLE Slice of Heaven

When they arrived, they brought many gifts – one being Suzie Q’s weird looking red plant that I soon named Mr. Kennedy. Now, prior to my sister arriving with Mr. Kennedy, I had REMINDED Suzie Q of just how terrible I am at keeping plants alive. For example, my beloved houseplant, Ernie Squared, has been around since my senior year of college (circa 2008). It has died at least six times. And magically come back to life whenever Suzie Q or one of my sisters visits. I’m pretty sure they’re just using the same pot and switching it out with alive plants so I don’t feel too sad when I’ve killed Ernie … again. 

 

Despite these warnings, Suzie Q sent along this plant to come and live with us while they were vacationing. Her exact instructions were as follows:

1. Water Mr. Kennedy every day.
2. Don’t let the water sit in the pot. 
3. Don’t over water Mr. Kennedy.
4. Set Mr. Kennedy in the windowsill so he gets sunlight.

Now, these seem like simple instructions but alas… 10 days later and this is what Mr. Kennedy looks like:

Mr. Kennedy Loves America

Sorry. 

Mr. Grumpy was not surprised when Mr. Kennedy ended up dead. He pointed out that perhaps those times I watered Mr. Kennedy and the water sat in the pot like a pool was a factor. But, what he DIDN’T know is this happened everytime I tried to water Mr. Kennedy, so I just dumped all the water out, down our drain. Lots of dirt was lost during this process. We also forgot to put him in the windowsill for a good three to four days. Now, I haven’t given up on him just yet, but it’s looking pretty bleak. Lesson learned? Never ask us to babysit your houseplants. And probably your children, too. 

Now, the OTHER thing Krissy and Pat brought when visiting were Saratoga Springs famous salt potatoes. Oh. my. god. These are my favorite things on the planet. Basically, you get 5 pounds of potatoes and like a pound of salt and you cook ’em up in a big pot of water (skin on, duh!) and enjoy the happiness.

I decided to make good use out of my latest stock in salt potatoes, and made Mr. Grumpy creamy potato salad. And pork chops. He was in man heaven. 

First, let’s start with the potato salad. You can snack on it while making the pork chops. Don’t judge me.

I adapted this recipe from one I found on the blog GoDairyFree.org. Here’s what you’ll need:

• 2.5 lbs salt potatoes (if you aren’t lucky like me, you can just use Yukon gold)
• 2/3 cup Hellman’s mayo (we use the kind with olive oil)
• 2 tbsp non-fat milk
• 2 tbsp dijon mustard
• 1 tsp apple cider vinegar
• 4 tbsp chopped fresh baby dill
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp black ground pepper
• 1/2 tsp sugar
• 1/2 cup diced celery (about 2 large stalks)
• 1/2 cup diced white onion (about 1/4 large onion)

First, boil your potatoes covered, leaving the skin on. If you do not have salt potatoes, I would suggest putting about 1/2 cup of salt in your water (assuming you’re using about 4 qts water). My potatoes boiled for 20 minutes, as the package directed. Once they’re done cooking, let them cool. But do not put cool water in your pot. It will remove the salt from the skin, and that is the best part. 

While those are cooking, make the sauce. Combine sugar, salt, pepper, mustard, mayo, apple cider vinegar and milk. Cut up your celery and onion. Cut your potatoes into small pieces – I cut mine into quarters, and then sliced one more time so they were about the size of a square hashbrown. Be careful when you’re cutting that you don’t rip the skin off all the potatoes. Can you tell that’s my favorite part? Combine potatoes, celery, onion and the creamy sauce in a mixing bowl. Let that chill in the fridge for about an hour before you serve it. (This makes delicious leftovers!)

Now, we can’t just eat potatoes for dinner, right? RIGHT! So, of course I made Mr. Grumpy one of his favorite dinners – Lemon and Basil Porkchops. We discovered this recipe on Reservations for Two, and have been making it ever since. We’ve adapted it a bit since then. 

Here’s what you’ll need:

• 4-5 center-cut pork chops
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• 1 1/2 cup Panko bread crumbs
• 1/3 cup chopped fresh basil
• 2 tbsp chopped fresh parsley (or as our market was spelling it today: Pasrely. I wish I were joking)
• Zest and juice from 2 lemons
• 1/4 tsp McCormick’s Lemon & Pepper Seasoning
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp pepper

(We make five porkchops so Mr. Grumpy can have leftovers)… 

First, in a shallow dish combine bread crumbs, salt, pepper, lemon zest, basil and parsley. In another shallow dish, squeeze out the lemon juice. Next, sprinkle your pork chops with the lemon & pepper seasoning and some sea salt. Next, dip each one in the lemon juice, and then in the breadcrumb mixture. Make sure you press the pork chop into the breadcrumbs to really get them stuck on there.

Preheat your oven to 400. Next, heat about 1 tbsp olive oil over medium-high heat. Once it’s hot, place one porkchop in and brown each side (about 2-3 minutes on each side). Add more olive oil each time you place in a porkchop, otherwise your pan will dry out. 

Next, place the porkchops on a baking dish, and bake in the oven for 10-15 minutes. If you want them super crisy, finish them off in the broiler. 

And… voila! Enjoy your meat ‘n’ taters, people! 

 

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Weeknight Dinner: Cheesy Corn on the Cob with Spicy Jalapeno Garlic Butter

Going home to Findlay for the Fourth of July reminded me of just how much I love the taste of corn on the cob. It does make me very anxious when the corn gets stuck in my teeth. I also tend to get kernels everywhere when I eat corn on the cob, so it’s definitely not a first-date food for me. Not that I’ll be going on any first dates in the near future (right, Mr. Grumpy???!?!?!). Right…

So, when Mr. Grumpy and I went to the West Side Market this weekend, you better believe we picked up some corn. It must be a great corn season because man were these ears huge and yellow. I couldn’t wait to eat them, but I felt like they were too perfect to just BOIL. So, I found this recipe on the Food Network for cheesy corn on the cob, and I adapted it. Now, Mr. Grumpy and I love cheese. I think you probably know that by now. And as such, we have to be careful about consuming TOO much. But, I think that we deserved a little cheese on this evening – and so. Do. You.

Here’s what you’ll need:

• 2 ears of corn on the cob
• 1/4 cup jalapeno jack cheese (we use the Helluva Good brand)
• 8 tbsp butter substitute spread
• 1/8 cup sugar
• 1/4 jalapeno
• 1 green onion
• 4 cloves of garlic

First, boil 4 quarts of water with sugar in it. This is a trick my sister Julie taught me. It makes the sweet corn even sweeter. It’s definitely optional, but I say go for it. Live a little…

Take the husks of the corn, and snap each ear in half. Once the water is boiling, place the corn in the water and cover with a lid. Turn the heat down to medium-low, and let that simmer for about 10 minutes.

In a food processor, put butter, jalapeno, green onion and garlic. Pulse until its combined well. Spoon into a tupperware container, and place in the fridge to let it harden slightly.

When the corn is done, place it onto a small plate. Spread the butter mixture over the corn and sprinkle the cheese on top. Sprinkle with salt & pepper to taste. And enjoy the cheesy goodness. I made quite the mess when I ate mine (per usual). YUM! We had ours with some chicken wings we got at the Market – best dinner ever.

One thing to note – you’ll have butter left over. But don’t fret – you can reuse it to spice up your baked potatoes, dinner rolls, pasta, toast (maybe?) and so much more.

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Some Fun. in Cleveland

When Mr. Grumpy and I were just starting to get serious about each other (no, Mr. Grumpy – this did not happen last week), I got us tickets to go see The Decemberists at Cleveland's awesome Nautica Pavillion. For those of you who do not live in Cleveland, the Nautica Pavillion is an outdoor concert area in Cleveland that sits right along the river. It's a pretty cool place. Anyway – about an hour before the concert started, Mr. Grumpy backed out. He didn't want to go. I was beside myself. Obviously this meant he was DUMPING me and didn't like me, right? Plus, who was going to go to this concert with me now? Well, I wasn't used to his grumpiness quite yet, and about 15 minutes later Mr. Grumpy called back and said he would go with me (in his most cheeriest of grumpy voices… I could HEAR his eyes rolling on the other side of the line). 

Boy has Mr. Grumpy come a long way. Since then, we've been to a few other concerts in which SOMETIMES he even sings along!! One of his favorites (and one of mine, too), was seeing Fun. at the House of Blues last year. It was one of those shows you never forget. So, when I got my hands on the presale password for Fun. at Nautica Pavillion, you better believe I jumped on the computer to get tickets. Fun. had been touring for two years, and it was so obvious how far they'd come.

They had ALL the tricks – including bouncing glow orbs and confetti. They put on one of the best shows so even if you're not familiar with all their music, you should go just for the entertainment. You won't regret it. Here are some videos of the night.  

 

 

Definitely worth the $50 per ticket (note that their tickets last year only cost $20 a piece… ah what fame will do to you). And NO that wasn't me screaming "It's COMING TOWARD US." That was the drunky girl in front of me… 

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The Dangers of Going to the West Side Market with Post-Race Hunger

So, Mr. Grumpy and I ran a 5K this Saturday. Mr. Grumpy asked for permission to run without me, mostly because he runs faster than a cheetah (Mr. Grumpy actually says he runs faster than a bat out of Hell, which makes no sense because bats don’t run). And I run at the speed of a … really fat elephant. So, of course I told him to leave me behind. And boy am I glad – when I arrived at the last tenth of a mile at the race, there Mr. Grumpy stood on the side of the road, yelling at me to start sprinting as hard as I could. Yelling very loudly, I might add. So loudly, in fact, that the girl running next to me turned to me and said, “Wow… is that your boyfriend?” She was being very judgemental. So I told her I had no idea who that was and that maybe he was yelling at her, not me. Then, I sprinted away… 

Mr. Grumpy was being really super humble and wouldn’t tell me what his time was on the race. We stuck around for the awards ceremony, in which I thought we’d marvel at all the winners together and make fun of all the old men with shorty-shorts on… Well, when they got to our age group winners, they said Mr. Grumpy’s name. He had WON the race – and in only 19 minutes. Pretty impressive, right? (My time was 32, thankyouverymuch). No big deal, guys. He got a pretty sweet medal make out of a wood chip. And he had to stand in front of everyone with said medal. Then, we realized our car was a mile away from the finish line, so naturally he made us RUN to it. As if we hadn’t run enough …

So naturally, the first thing he said when we got in the car was, “So what’s for lunch?” Uhhh… I had not planned a meal as I had been focused on getting first place at our 5K (which I would have if they would have let me compete in the 65-year-old age group) so I suggested we go pick up some food at the West Side Market. Big. Mistake. Everyone knows you should NEVER go shopping for food when you’re hungry. $60 and six bags of food later, we were headed home with lunch on our minds.

Enter italian sausage sliders. The best post-race meal like … ever. These really hit the spot – and we sucked these babies down so fast that I, again, went into a food coma and took a two-hour nap. This is becoming a routine for me…

Here’s what you’ll need:

• 1/2 lb spicy (or sweet is fine too) italian sausage (you can just buy it without the sausage casings)
• 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
• Salt & pepper to taste
• 1/2 large green pepper
• 1/2 small white onion
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 4 slider buns (we got potato rolls from the market)

First, combine your sausage and mozzarella cheese by gently folding the cheese into the meat in a mixing bowl. Sprinkle with salt & pepper to taste, and mix in. Make four small flat patties with the meat mixture. Next, cut your green pepper and onions into long, thin slices. Toss them in the olive oil and sprinkle salt and pepper on them. 

Heat up your grill. Place the peppers and onions and the sausage patties on the grill. Cook the sausage patties for five minutes on each side. In the meantime, keep turning your onions and peppers until they become soft. Remove the green peppers and onions when that happens (about 10 minutes).

Place your sausage patties on the bottom of the bun. Put the peppers and onions on top of each patty, and drizzle with a little ketchup if you’re into that. Top it off with the bun lid, and VOILA! Enjoy your lunch. (We had ours with a side of Ohio City Pasta’s greek pasta salad. It’s so good.)

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Mr. Grumpy Loves Doing Dishes (especially after I make Enchilada Pie)

When Mr. Grumpy and I first started dating, he took me to dinner at his parent's house and we made homemade pasta with Mr. Grumpy's mom. Needless to say, I made quite the mess (per usual). Mr. O.G. (the original grumpy) let me in on the deal he has agreed to – when Mr. Grumpy's mom cooks dinner, Mr. OG is in charge of the dishes. This was an excellent idea. The kind of idea I needed in my home. Why? I hate dishes. The idea of touching other people's leftover food skeeves me out. Also, Mr. Grumpy's dinner specialties include Chef Boyardee and one Campbell's Soup recipe (that's actually not too shabby). So, with me in charge of dinner most nights, it was really quite the perfect plan. 

The only issue? Mr. Grumpy has a tendancy to be a little pokey. In fact, one time I timed Mr. G at doing the dishes, and in the time I took a shower, dried my massive 15 pounds of hair (thanks DS), plucked my eyebrows and repainted my toes – aka, 2 hours, Mr. Grumpy was STILL doing the dishes. I just about lost it.

How could it take one SO long to do the dishes? Mr. G will blame it on how messy I am while I cook. I am going to point out that I think it's more likely the fact that while he's doing the dishes, he checks his Twitter, eats cheese, checks his sports and CNN apps for breaking sports news (save us all), plays Rollercoaster Tycoon, wanders around, takes a bathroom break, drinks water, stands staring completely into space for several minutes… I wish I were joking. But, I've learned to be patient and just let Mr. Grumpy do his thing. Especially because if you DON'T let him do his thing, this is what happens:

Yep, that's a knife. (Mr. Grumpy would like me to point out the amount of dishes on the counter. Sorry, Mr. G. I never promised to be tidy!)

 So, tonight after I used up probably every single one of our dishes and most definitely all of our measuring cups making Suzie Q's FAMOUS Enchilada Pie, I decided to give Mr. G a break and keep quiet about his dish-doing. 

Now, Enchilada Pie was a staple in my house growing up. Suzie Q really knew the way to our hearts with this one. It's so delicious you're going to want an extra slice (or five), and frankly I'm not going to judge you. It's also super easy to make ahead and then cook the day of, if you're having a busy week. So, let's get cooking so Mr. Grumpy can get to the dishes sooner rather than later.

What You'll Need:

• 1 lb ground turkey 
• 2 tsp ground cumin
• 1 packet of taco seasoning
• Salt & pepper to taste
• 1 small white onion, chopped
• 1 cup sweet red peppers, chopped
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 15 oz. tomato, chopped
• 1/3 cup enchilada sauce (we were all out of this today, so I used taco sauce)
• 1 can of sweet corn
• 1 can of chopped green chilies
• 10 white corn tortillas (the small ones)
• 2 cups shredded, low-fat colby jack cheese
• Non-stick cooking spray
• Greek yogurt (to dollup on top like sour cream!)

First, preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Next, heat your olive oil in a pan over medium heat. Add your peppers and onions and cook for about 5 minutes, until softened. Next, add your turkey meat and cook until it's all the way done. Add cumin and stir. Add tomato, green chilies, enchilada/taco sauce and taco seasoning. Let that simmer for 10 minutes. Add corn (Suzie Q also adds black olives, but Mr G doesn't like those, so I omitted that). 

Now, it's time to make the pie!! In a small baking dish, spray non-stick cooking spray. Then, place tortillas to coat the bottom. Spoon the sauce (aka, the meat mixture) on top of the tortillas, and then sprinkle with cheese. Add another layer of tortillas, sauce and cheese. Do this until you run out of stuff (mine made two layers exactly today, but it'll depend on how big of a pan you use). 

Cover with aluminum foil. Bake in the oven for 30 minutes. Remove the foil and cook for an additional 5 minutes until cheese is bubbly. When you serve it, sprinkle some lettuce and a dollup of greek yogurt on top. And ohmygosh, enjoy that. It's going to melt in your mouth. Touche, mom. 

Weekend Dinner: Lemon Rosemary Chicken with Pesto Gnocchi

As many of you may know, I was feeling pretty fearless the other day and rather cocky about my strides in becoming a true blood runner. I signed up for my very first half-marathon with my friend Kelsey (who has a pretty sweet blog over at Starfish Snacks). Being only 13 weeks out from the marathon and seeing that I can barely run 4.5 miles (my first race), I have a lot of work to do.

So, while Kelsey was on vacation in Florida last week, I decided to take matters into my own hands and train by myself. I got in a pretty good run or two during the week, and then ate my weight in bratwurst and macaroni salad over the Fourth of July (and some pizza and tacos while my sister, Krissy, and her husband Pat were visiting from New York). Oh, and a pound of crab legs with Robin. No, I'm not ashamed. But when Sunday came around the corner (after having more bratwurst and taking a 3-hour nap), I decided it was time for Mr. Grumpy and I to get our butts into gear and get movin'. So, I proposed a sunset run so we could see the Tall Ships that were in town.

I only knew about the Tall Ships from my run earlier last week when I helped a blind lady cross the street so she could get to the Tall Ships exhibit. I noticed she was going to have to do WAY more than cross the street, so I took her all the way to the ships and then noticed they weren't there yet. Except the really big black and red ship that I kept calling the Matador. What…. you don't think this actually happened? WELL IT DID. I may have a stitch of niceness in my blood afterall. 

The Matador.. or whatever it's called.

I digress… let me preface this story by saying that Mr. Grumpy and I do not work out well together. We will never be that couple that shares a personal trainer or says, "You can do it, baby! Just five more steps!" In fact, most of our runs either begin with Mr. Grumpy sprinting away from me while I try to catch up, find the nearest bench and cry myself into running oblivion, OR with Mr. Grumpy trying to give me "running advice" of which I find extremely obnoxious and immediately run in the opposite direction. However, on this particular day, we actually did an excellent job pretending to be a couple who works out well together. Mr. Grumpy didn't even get mad when I stopped at the tall ships to take about 80 pictures (yes, I was stalling). 3.3 miles later and we were back at our apartment gorging on Reese Puffs cereal and watermelon. Not like we had an amazing dinner (don't worry, we're almost to the recipe). So, in case you missed the ships… here is a pic:

Arghhhh matey!! Don't these look just like pirate ships?

So Mr. Grumpy and I had mustered up quite the appetite (and it had been at least four hours since we mindlessly ate three brats, a half pound of macaroni salad and about a pound of buffalo dip while watching Lincoln – the longest most educational film ever). I decided if we were going to go for a run, we'd need a serious dinner. Enter Lemon Rosemary Chicken with Pesto Gnocchi. 

This Christmas, Mr. Grumpy and I traveled to Florida to spend time at his grandparent's and then at my cousin Sarah's wedding. On New Year's Eve, my family went to dinner at a super nice restaurant in Sanibel Island and I ordered this dish. Ever since, I have been craving it – trying to muster up the courage to tackle gnocchi at home. Until a few weeks ago when I was grocery shopping and NOTICED that you can BUY gnocchi already made. This was great news. So, I decided it was time.

I found a similar recipe for the gnocchi part on RealSimple.com and changed it up. Then, I improvised on the chicken. And it. was. delicious. (if I do say so myself).

 So, let's get cooking, shall we? 

What You'll Need:

• 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 3 cloves garlic
• 1 tbsp olive oil, plus 1 tsp
• Salt & pepper to taste
• 1/8 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp dried rosemary
• 1/2 tsp Lemon & Pepper McCormick's Seasoning
• 1 lemon, plus 1/2 lemon
• 1 lb gnocchi
• 1/4 cup low-fat ricotta cheese
• 1/2 cup pesto (check out my recipe for pesto here)
• 2 tbsp plain greek yogurt
• 3 cups green beans
• 1/2 small white onion, chopped
• 1/4 cup low-fat mozzarella cheese

First, we're going to roast our garlic. So, preheat your oven to 375. Next take a small piece of aluminum foil and lay it out on your counter. Remove the papery stuff from the outside of your garlic cloves. Place the cloves on top of the foil, smack dab in the middle. Drizzle them with 1 tbsp of olive oil and sprinkle with a little salt and pepper. Fold up the aluminum foil to create a pouch (this is where being a Girl Scout earlier in life will really help you out). Place your pouch into the oven and cook for 20-25 minutes until the garlic is smooshy. Let that cool a bit before you touch it. Or be brave and burn your fingers. You've been warned though. There's nothing worse than burning your fingers AND reaking of garlic all at the same time (sexy, right?).

Next, pound out your chicken lightly. Smoosh the roasted garlic over both sides of each breast. In a small mixing bowl, combine salt, pepper, Lemon & Pepper seasoning, and dried rosemary. Sprinkle over your chicken, rubbing it in a bit. Place your chicken in a small baking dish. Using 1/2 a lemon, squeeze the lemon juice out over the chicken. Using the other half, make small slices of lemon and place it on top of each piece. Bake in the oven about 25 minutes at 375 (your oven will already be warm, lucky you!). 

While that bakes, place two pots of water on the stove to boil. Lightly salt each. In the first pot, once it boils, place your green beans in there and cover. Let that simmer for 4 minutes. Remove the green beans from the stove and drain the water. Set aside. In the other pot, once it boils, lightly spoon your gnocchi in. The gnocchi is done cooking when they float – about 4 minutes as well. Once they're done, drain them and set aside. In a pan, heat 1 tsp of olive oil over medium heat. Place your onions in the pan and cook for about 5 minutes, until transluscent. Next, add your pesto (you can also buy it premade if you don't want to make it from scratch. I made mine and froze it – which was SUPER handy). Let that cook for about 1 minute. Add in ricotta and mozzarella cheese, stir. Next, add in the greek yogurt. Stir and let that cook on a slow simmer for about 2 minutes. Add the green beans and the gnocchi and sprinkle with a little pepper.

Place the cooked chicken on top of the gnocchi mixture, and voila! Just like a fancy New Year's Eve dinner! 

Happy Fourth of July, ‘Mericuh! (Flag Cake & DIY Sparkler Favors)

Fourth of July is such a great holiday. You get to eat hot dogs (awesome). Play with fireworks (DS's favorite activitiy). Watch the professionals do fireworks without catching your backyard on fire (this doesn't happen at the Steiner Ranch. We watch DS do Chinese lanterns and experiment with gasoline-laden driveways while the kids – aka, me – run around half-hazardly with sparklers. The fire department in Findlay actually recognizes us as they've been out to our house to put out many fires in our day. Note to readers: Before catching your driveway on fire, remove your cars. This is just from experience, though).

Mr. Grumpy actually likes the Fourth of July because he gets to walk around doing his best Livin' in the Sticks impression (aka, Hillbilly talk. For the record, he calls Findlay "The Sticks" even though he's the one who grew up in a township for God's sake) and call our great country… 'MMMMericuh. In fact, he loves this so much, we even had a sign last year that at ONE point said I Love America, but when I wasn't looking, Mr. Grumpy removed the "A" from it, so it just read, "I Love Merica). Awesome…

Suzie Q and my sister Erin typically get extremely patriotic and make what they call a Flag Cake. Now, anyone who knows me well knows I have a fear of fruit mixing together. Meaning, when Mr. G and I eat berries, I have to have a separate bowl for blueberries, one for raspberries and one for strawberries. He's learned that if he puts Cool Whip in between the berries in the same bowl, I will be ok.

Flag Cake is the one exception to the fruit-touching rule. Why? Well, because it's awesome. The fruit is laying on top of layers of cookies and frosting. And because it looks like the American flag. Extremely cool. So, this year was no different. Suzie Q was SUPPOSED to wait to make it with me, but alas, she jumped the gun and made it without me. I'm still going to share the recipe with you.

 Here's what you'll need:

• 1 package of sugar cookie dough (the kind that comes in a plastic tube. I buy the Pillsbury brand. It's by the butter and cheese in our supermarket). It helps if the dough has had some time to get to room temp so it's easier to deal with
• 1 container of white frosting 
• 2 containers of raspberries, rinsed and dabbed dry
• 2 containers of blueberries, rinsed and dabbed dry 
• Preferably some American-themed music – like that theme song from Fifel Goes West or I'm Proud to Be an American or I Love Rock n Roll – to play when you present your cake to the world (it's your tahdah moment, people!)

First, take a rectangular baking sheet and spray it with non-stick cooking spray. Spread your cookie dough out evenly on the pan. This is the base of your flag, so no, do not substitute your rectangle for a circle. People will be confused and I may have to deport you. (I don't really have this kind of power).

Bake your cookie dough as the package directs, until it is lightly brown but still very white on top. It will still be a little squishy when you remove it from the oven. Don't over bake it, though. It will cool and harden up a bit. Plus, no one likes a stale flag – it won't wave symbolically in the wind. Right? (I'm cracking myself up). 

Next, let your cookie cool. This would be a good time to test your Fourth of July cocktails to make sure no one has poisoned them. (My dear friend Leslie and I once had Fourth of July shots that literally were stacked blue, then white, then red IN THE SHOT GLASS. If anyone knows how to make these at home, I welcome your instructions below on my comment board.) Once your cookie is cool, spread the frosting out evenly over the top. 

Next, take your blueberries and a square of blueberries in the upper left hand corner. Or however many that LOOK like 50. Remember that this flag is not to scale – so you don't need to count out 50 blueberries and place them on your cake. I know we like to be accurate, but geeze people. That's just a lot of counting. Next, make stripes of raspberries all the way to the end of the right side, starting from the left side, leaving about a quarter of an inch between each row. These are your stripes. Again, you don't have to be accurate about the stripage. I think there's 13 stripes on the real flag, but you'll probably only get to about 8 or 9 on this one, especially if you're like me and eat the fruit the entire time you're making your cake. 

And voila! Freedom on a cake. What could be better? 

Sparkler Party Favors

Well, I'll tell you what may … take the cake … at your Fourth of July party (oh gosh. I'm full of puns today). Amazing sparkler party favors. I made these for an anniversary party I was planning, but they are OH SO PERFECT so I just had to share.

Here's what you'll need:

• A computer 
• A color printer
• Heavy card stock in white
• Paper cutter machine
• An X Acto knife
• Sparklers

First, you'll want to open/download this file (I found these free printables at Tidy Mom: http://tidymom.net/2013/printable-sparkler-holder). Open Microsoft Word, and choose the Header/Footer function. Copy and paste this JPG into the header/footer. If you do not have Microsoft Word, you can just select to print the JPG, and select the full-page function when you tell it to print. Then, print these out on your color printer using a heavy, white card stock. I just told my computer to print 30 pages because I had to make a ton of these for this anniversary party. If you have 20 guests coming to your party, you probably only need to print 6 pages. (Aren't I awesome at math?)

Next, using your paper cutter machine, cut your paper into three sections. If you don't have one of those handy machines, then just use a pair of scissors. And take an IB Profin because your hands are going to hurt. Then, take your X Acto knife, make tiny slits on the top of the middle box, and at the bottom (about a half inch wide). You don't want to make your slits too wide because the sparklers will fall out, and then your guests will be annoyed. And then you'll blame me… Not cool. Next, once all your paper is cut and the slits are made, place about a half box of sparklers in the slit and out the other side (like you're weaving a basket. I'm sure you have a lot of experience doing this). You should have about 5-6 sparklers per piece of paper. And voila! Your Fourth of July party just went Martha Stewart. Awesome.

My First Race + Spicy Cilantro Lime Chicken Tenders

Silly me signed up for a four-mile race and thought I didn't need to train at all to win it. With my race day coming up, Mr G told me that I had better get to running. I told him I wasn't worried about it, to which he gave me one of those eye rolls that make you feel like maybe you DON'T know everything… So, I went for my normal after work run (usually a solid 3 or so miles).

My Runkeeper was talking to me per usual, and I noticed that she announced my first mile rather quickly. But I thought – man, Cari! You are seriously awesome at running, so I kept going. Four miles later (and in only 25 minutes), I was back at my apartment, marveling at the five-minute mile I ran in the first section of my run. Yes, I said a FIVE MINUTE MILE. Apparently this is Olympic-sized running I completed last week. So, after realizing that I was basically an Olympian and had no idea until now, I stopped training for my race. I even went out the night before my race and drank a few craft beers that I probably shouldn't have (and also had my palms read by a "psychic" who literally got everything wrong about me, yet I still felt the need to tip her $5…). Yes, that happened. I mean, I was an Olympian! I didn't need to train for a silly four-mile race! Right????

Wrong. Mr Grumpy pointed out that there was literally no way I could have run a five-minute mile. To which, I explained he need not be jealous. Not everyone could be an Olympian. That's why we're special and get cool jerseys and get to wear necklaces plated in GOLD.

Then, he looked at my Runkeeper app and noticed that its GPS was disconnected for a good half of my first mile, meaning my five-minute mile was actually closer to a 10-minute mile. Awesome. 

So, I held my head high, and went to the race anyway. I came in 24th place (out of 31), which FOR THE RECORD you do not receive a medal for 24th place (in case you were wondering). But, at least I finished and got a super sweet t-shirt. And at least I didn't finish behind a guy in a banana suit, so I think things could have been much worse. 

Can you see the banana suit? Again, things could have been much worse for me (this is from an episode of Veep, in case you're lost)… 

This is my actual race:

Can you see me?? And this is me before I was tortured for four miles (Mr G was not allowed to take an "after" pic for obvious reasons.):

So, of course I was starving, and needed some sustanence. One of my favorite things on the planet is chicken tenders. And you all know how much I love me some jalapeno. So, I decided to cook up some spicy cilantro lime chicken tenders with cheesy queso corn dip (ok, I ran four miles. I deserved some cheese at the end of that tunnel. Don't you think??). 

Here's what you'll need:

• 1/3 cup chopped cilantro
• 1 1/2 cup panko bread crumbs
• 1/2 jalapeno, deseeded and chopped
• 1/2 tsp chili powder, plus 1/8 tsp
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp pepper
• 1 tbsp ranch dressing mix (from the packet)
• Juice from 1 lime
• 1 lb boneless chicken tenders
• 2 tbsp spreadable butter substitute (again, we use Earth Balance with canola & olive oil)
• 1/8 cup flour
• 1/8 cup salsa
• 2 tbsp plain greek yogurt
• 1/8 cup milk
• 1 can of non-fat, non-sodium sweet corn
• 1/2 cup of low-fat colby jack cheese, shredded
• Salt & pepper to taste

First, preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Then, in a shallow dish, combine bread crumbs, jalapeno, cilantro, chili powder, salt and pepper, and ranch dressing mix. In a separate bowl, place your lime juice. Take your chicken and dip it into the lime juice, then place into the bread crumb mixture, press lightly to coat each piece. Place the coated chicken on a baking dish. Bake your chicken for 20-25 minutes, until cooked all the way through. Preheat your broiler, and broil the chicken for an additional 5 minutes, until the bread crumbs have browned lightly.

For the cheesy corn queso mix – I just really wanted mac 'n' cheese, but this was the better alternative, if we're being honest. So, melt your butter in a medium saucepan over medium-low heat. Add the flour and stir constantly for about 1 minute. Add the milk and stir until the mixture thickens. Add the greek yogurt, and stir for about 2 more minutes. Add the salsa, corn, cheese, chili powder, salt and pepper and let that cook for about 8 minutes on low heat, stirring occasionally. You want it to be thick like a queso dip. Mr. Grumpy ate his like soup…. which I'm not sure how I felt about. But, I dipped tortilla chips in mine, and ate it like a cheese dip. Either way, it really hit the spot. 

(Note: It doesn't really photograph that well, but I promise you. It was tasty.)

Weeknight Dinner: Homemade Chicken Pot Pies

So, many of you know how sick I've been this year. I literally have caught every single bug that has gone around, taking a whopping SIX days of sick days. The minute my throat starting hurting last week I thought, "Dear God. I can't have strep again!"

I immediately went to the doctor, and (thank god) the strep test came back negative. I did have a pretty nasty virus that led to some seriously large white spots on my throat (awesome). I literally had had enough. I didn't think it was completely unreasonable to request that my doctor remove my tonsils and any other organs I would not really be needing. Like, do I really need my tonsils? No. Do I absolutely need my appendix? No. I am pretty sure I also don't need my spleen as well. Yes, he laughed at me, and then proceeded to tell me I had the smallest tonsils of anyone he'd ever seen (uh, thanks? I think?). Then, he began asking me the following questions: 

Dr B to Cari: Have you always lived in Ohio? 
Cari to Dr. B: No, there was a magical time when I lived in Denver.
Dr B: Were you born in Colorado?
Cari: Uh, yeah. And then I moved to Ohio when I was 8.
Dr B: Oh man, I love to ski.
Cari: Uh, that's great, Dr. B.
Dr B: Sorry, you don't need to know that. When did you move to Cleveland?
Cari: Four years ago.
Dr B: When did you start getting sick all the time?
Cari: Four years ago.
Dr. B: You're going to laugh, but I think you may be allergic to Cleveland.

That's right, people. Allergic to Cleveland. This could only happen to me. So, I requested a doctor's note that would give me permission me to move back to Colorado (apparently doctor's notes don't have that power). Since that didn't work… I'll be staying here for the time being and suffering my way through life.

Since my throat hurt so much, the only thing I wanted to eat was soup and ice cream. Naturally, Mr. Grumpy called on his way home late from work and requested we order pizza. I thought, how bad could it be? Bad, people. I promise you, my throat has never hurt so much. So, the next night for dinner, I took things into my own hands.

Many years ago, Ina Garten made homemade chicken pot pies on her show, Barefoot Contessa. I thought to myself, "Cari, you will never be this put together." And while I was extremely right, I decided it was time to tackle the pot pie. Don't get me wrong – Marie Calendar pot pies are super delicious. But, I wanted to make one by myself to show the world that if Ina can do it… so can I. Well, sorta.

Oh. Hell. Yeah. You bet I did this.

So, I adapted her recipe because frankly I found it ridiculous that I would have to make my own puff pastry. Let's be honest, that was not happening. I was also not feeling like 80 cups of heavy cream and pound of butter (yes, I'm exaggerating) that she wanted me to use was a good life choice. So, I substituted the cream for greek yogurt and used a spreadable butter substitute that is much better for you.

Oh, and she wanted me to cook chicken with bones in it, and we all remember how well that went for me last time. So, I forfeited that option as well.

Let's get cooking – here's what you'll need:

• 2 boneless chicken breasts
• 1.5 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/4 tsp salt, plus 1 tsp
• 1/8 tsp pepper, plus 1/2 tsp
• 1 tbsp poultry seasoning
• 2.5 cups organic, low-sodium chicken stock
• 1 chicken bouillon cubes
• 6 tablespoons butter substitute spread (We use Earth Balance made from canola and olive oil) 
• 1 yellow onions, chopped
• 1 stalk of celery, chopped
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 5 tbsp greek yogurt  
• 1 cups carrots, cut long ways
• 1/2 bag of frozen small whole onions
• 1 can of diced potatoes, drained
• 1/2 cup minced fresh parsley leaves
• 2 sheets of frozen puff pastry (thaw on the counter)
• 1 egg
• Cracked pepper and sea salt

First, cook your chicken. So, preheat your oven to 350. Rub your chicken with 1 tbsp of olive oil, and then sprinkle the salt, pepper and poultry seasoning on each side. Cook your chicken in the oven, about 30 minutes until it's cooked all the way through. Remember, it's going to cook again at the end when you bake your pot pie, so it'll be ok just having 30 minutes in the oven. Take your frozen puff pastry sheets out of the freezer, and let them thaw as the package directs. 

While your chickies are cooking, make the soup mixture for the pot pie. First, in a small saucepan, simmer your chicken stock and bouillon cube until the cube is all melted. Let that sit on the stove top on low heat until you're ready for it. Now, in a large saucepan, melt the butter over medium-low heat. Add the yellow onion. Let that cook until the onion is translucent. That will probably take about six minutes. Next, add the flour, and turn your heat to low. Stir constantly for about one minute. Turn your heat back up to medium, and add the chicken stock. Stir about 5 more minutes until the sauce gets thick. It will help if you let it get to a simmer, and then stir slowly during this time. Then, turn your heat back to a medium-low, and add remaining salt and pepper. Add the greek yogurt and stir until thick and creamy (about 3 more minutes). 

By now, your chicken should be cooked. Take it out of the oven and dice it (careful not to burn yourself like I did. Ina was smart enough to let hers cool, I assume.). Add that into your saucepan, along with the whole onions, potatoes, carrots, celery and chopped parsley. Cover, and let that simmer for about 10 minutes.

Turn the heat up on your oven to 375 degrees. Take out two small baking dishes, and spray them with non-stick cooking spray. Ladle in your chicken mixture into the dishes. Whisk an egg in a small bowl, and brush the egg wash over the sides of your baking dish. Gently take your puff pastry and set it on top of each baking dish. Roll up the edges so they stick to the sides. Brush the remaining egg mixture over both pastry sheets, and sprinkle with cracked pepper and sea salt to taste. Cut little slits in the top of each of your pot pies (I cut little hearts out on mine, but we struggled a bit with the puff pastry, so they ended up looking like the green blob from Ghostbusters. Sorry, Ina. We can't all be as talented as you. Or have a husband who likes to make flower arrangements and drink wine…. ??) 

Cook your pot pies in the oven, about 30-35 minutes, until the puff pastry turns a golden yellow/brown and the mixture starts bubbling. Remove from the oven, and let it sit for a few minutes. Mr Grumpy and I skipped this step because we were super excited to eat pot pies (apparently Mr. G loves him some pot pies… who knew??), and we ended up burning our tongues. And our dignity. 

See what I mean about looking like the green blob? Yes, just when you think you can't cook like a Food Network star, we figure out a way to fake our way through. No matter what it looks like coming out of the oven, you better bet it tasted deeeee-lish! Enjoy!

(And if anyone has any allergy remedies for me, let me know. How one can be allergic to an entire city just boggles my mind).