Puppies, Husbands and Other Things That Do Not Equal Excuses

First things first: A brand new bouncing puppy has been added the to Grumpy Family – please meet Oscar. He’s like … sorta happy to meet you.

http://instagram.com/p/x-vKYpkgjD/?modal=true

Basically I’m going to lose friends because I’m going to post nothing but pictures of Oscar all day long on Facebook and I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. DEFRIEND ME. I WILL NOT STOP POSTING. K?

Onward, friends. Now, the big challenge with Oscar other than the fact that he’s an 8-week-old puppy and eats everything and poops everything … the BIG challenge is that I have a tendency to make excuses to not work out. Like if I worked 15 minutes later than usual, I claim I’m tired and gift myself a night off. That is a terrible excuse. As one of my motivational quotes says…

Planned Puppyhood
So … I’m not going to use things like puppies and husbands and work keep me from my fitness goals any more. No excuses. That’s what I want you to remind yourself every morning when your alarm goes off to tell you it’s time to work out: No excuses – not one. Mother Teresa didn’t make excuses and she changed the entire effing world. So get your ass out of bed and go say good morning to Shaun T, people. Get!

It also helps if you make this the background on your phone: 

Ok, so what’s going to make not skipping your workouts easier? Planning your meals ahead, and getting them as ready as you can on Sunday so you have barely any work when you get home and are trying to talk yourself out of exercise.

This is what I call Planned Puppyhood. We all have crazy lives, crazy schedules, crazy families with crazy plans and then on top of that, life always throws you a curveball. Get over it – and plan ahead. Your Sunday is getting overhauled, but I am telling you, it will make the next five days so much easier.

Here are some tips: 

• Plan your entire week’s breakfasts, snacks, lunch and dinners. Make a calendar of exactly what you’re going to eat each day so you don’t cheat yourself.
• Go grocery shopping on Sunday and get everything you need for your meal plan. Helpful Hint: If you choose recipes that use similar ingredients, your food will be easier to prep in advance. For example, if you make fajitas for Taco Tuesday and turkey chili for Thursday’s dinner, the peppers and onions will be used for both recipes. You’ll spend less money and gain more time. If your fajitas use ground turkey, well – then you’ve just seriously made your life easy.
• Cut all your veggies – this includes any snack veggies and any recipe veggies. Example: chop half the pepper for the chili and slice the other half for the fajitas.
• Grill a package of chicken – this makes salads and lunch wraps SO EASY. And fajitas! And it also makes adding shredded chicken to recipes easy – why? Because it’s already cooked and ready to be shred, that’s why.
• Cook any brown rice you’ll use for the week and store in a gallon ziplock. Brown rice is yummier after it’s been in the fridge anyway.
• Cook any meals you can in advance and put them in the freezer. Like that turkey chili! Helpful Hint: Let those recipes cool FULLY before putting them in the freezer. You do not want food poisoning and this has been known to cause it. Also, it makes your food taste like plastic when you thaw it if you put it in there hot. I don’t know why…

Ever since I started Sunday Prepping, my life has been easier. I make less excuses to eat out – which was a big one for me – and I don’t make excuses not to work out because most times all I have to do is pop the already prepped dinner in the oven and wait for the timer to pop off. This gives me like an HOUR to work out. You’ll hate the Sunday dishes, but make your husband do those. He won’t mind (WILL YOU, HUSBAND!!?!?!).

Here is an example of our meal plan for this week!

Sunday Prep: Cook turkey chili, make stuffing for peppers, bake banana bread, make casserole (minus the final step of baking it), cut broccoli and grapefruit for snacks and make stuffing for enchiladas, and finally, grill a package of chicken.

• Monday:
  • Breakfast – 1 slice whole wheat banana bread
  • Snack – Apple
  • Lunch – Chocolate Shakeology w/peanut butter and unsweetened almond milk
  • Snack – 1/2 english muffin
  • Dinner – Barley-Stuffed Peppers with Baked Chicken Tenders
• Tuesday: 
  • Breakfast – 1 slice whole wheat banana bread
  • Snack – 1/2 grapefruit w/1 tsp honey
  • Lunch – Vanilla Shakeology w/cooled cup of coffee
  • Snack – 1 cup of broccoli w/2 tbsp rosemary white bean hummus
  • Dinner – Brown Rice Casserole with Cauliflower and Broccoli
• Wednesday: 
  • Breakfast – 1 whole wheat english muffin w/peanut butter and bananas
  • Snack – 1/2 grapefruit with honey
  • Lunch – Chocolate Shakeology with strawberries and unsweetened almond milk
  • Snack – Carrots and hummus
  • Dinner – Turkey chili (made on Sunday, in the freezer!)

…. and so on through next Sunday! I know this seems a bit cray-cray, but trust me… you won’t regret it when your husband asks on Thursday, “What’s for dinner?” and you say “Sweet potato enchiladas that are already made all I have to do is put them in the oven and bake them for 25 minutes!! WHAT WHAT!!!”

What ways do you prepare yourself for Mondays to make your week easier?

For more shameless pictures of Oscar, feel free to follow me on Instagram … I went a bit overboard on capturing his first weekend in the CLE (he loves everything about this city already!).

Nice Veggetti… (and other sweaty topics)

You. Guys. Run – do not walk – to the nearest Williams Sonoma (or if you’re on a budget… Walgreens) and buy a veggie spiralizer. Don’t ask me why because I am about to tell you it is the best thing that has happened to you since you survived the Friday Fight DVD of Insanity Max: 30.

I had zucchini noodles planned for my first virgin experience with the veggie spiralizer – also known as the Veggetti (pronounced by the cool kids as…. vah – jet – ee) if you’re into As Seen on TV purchases – and was thinking it was going to take about as long as homemaking cavatelli pasta. Which, if you have not done before takes a legit 8 hours if you don’t mess up. If you do mess up and your Italian mother-in-law is on her way to your house and you think you can get away with serving her frozen pasta, you should just give up completely and come clean because she WILL know that it’s frozen and not fresh. Not that this happened to me because mine were perfect but anyway … I digress.

SO – ya’ll know that Mr. Grumpy and I love us some Italian food. We practically have pasta falling out our ears we eat it so often. We all have our issues, and ours is carbs. We tried spaghetti squash but it just didn’t taste right to us. And Mr. Grumpy has texture issues on top of his carb issues. So, I decided to embark upon the zucchini noodle, or as my clever coworker calls … the zoodle. See picture below – introducing the zoodle. 

With this spiralizer, all you literally do is put the blade in, connect the zucchini to both ends of the machinery, and turn the handle. Out come perfectly plump, happy little zoodles. It took five minutes. Maybe. And only maybe five minutes because I couldn’t find the blade. Why? Because it has a handy little shelf for it underneath the contraption. SO HELPFUL. Seriously. I just don’t even want to spend more time talking about this because it’s f*&^ing amazing. Here is the link for you to purchase one: http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/paderno-sprializer/. Treat yourself. Break up with pasta now. It won’t miss you – it will move on to other people!

SO – I didn’t want to mess this whole thing up by making zoodles (the perfectly healthy option to real pasta) and then cover it in store-bought sauce. DID YOU KNOW that shit is FULL of sugar and probably salt and like extra stuff that you really, really do not need. It’s likely the reason why the next day you feel sleepy because it’s not good for you. Stop eating that – it’s really easy to make your own sauce in like 30 minutes or less. Now, you can also make sauce in 8 hours but this is easier for a weeknight and really, really tasty. Ready?

• Two roasted red peppers (I roast mine at 450 on each side for 15-20 minutes until it looks blacky spotty ish, then cool and peel off the skin)
• Four cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 shallot, chopped
• 1 tbsp fresh basil
• 2 tsp olive oil or sunflower oil
• 1.5 tbsp red wine vinegar
• 1/2 lemon
• 1/8 cup of parmesan cheese
• A dash of red pepper flakes
• 1 can of no-salt-added diced tomatoes, drained slightly

Blend together in your bullet or food processor or whatever contraption you have. That’s the sauce! You can roast the peppers in advance on Sunday when you’re bored and your husband is making you not talk because the Browns are playing. #MrGrumpy

Now, just take a tablespoon of olive oil and heat in a large saute pan over medium heat. Add your zoodles and stir them around frequently until they start to get soft. Add the sauce (we used two zucchini’s so had some sauce left over. Don’t overdo it on the sauce!) and let it simmer together for about 5-6 minutes, until the zoodles are softer and the sauce is hot. Top with some fresh basil and experience the happiness. Then tell everyone that you love your spiralizer like me until they no longer want to be your friend anymore.

Side note: DID YOU KNOW THAT SPIRALIZERS CAN ALSO MAKE SWEET POTATO FRIES? I’ll figure that one out soon. A healthified version, of course. Maybe tossed in sunflower oil and baked… working on it!

Fitness: Insanity Max: 30 – Friday Fight.
This was not ok. Shaun T – YOU BE CRAZY. I made it through and maxed out at a whopping six minutes. The first water break isn’t even until 15 minutes in. Then YOU DON’T GET ANOTHER UNTIL TEN MINUTES LATER. WTF. But then, you get done and you’re like, whoa. I just did something there. How will you know? You’ll have sweat in places you didn’t know existed on your body. And you won’t be able to walk. And you will maybe start crying (like Mr. Grumpy did). Treat yourself to a glass of wine and reminisce about how terrible you felt … and how amazing it feels to FEEL ACTUAL PAIN. That’s a key indicator you’re still alive.

Friday Nutrition:

• Breakfast: Oatmeal and a side of fruit
• Snack 1: Pears
• Lunch: Shakeology – Chocolate, 1 tbsp peanut putter, 1 cup unsweetened almond milk, ice.
• Snack 2: Clementine and 11 smoked almonds
• Dinner: This zoodle noodle dinner, plus a caesar salad fake out from Thug Kitchen Handbook. It uses soaked almonds, olive oil and lemon juice, capers, etc. instead of cheese, cream and eggs found in caesar dressing. Tastes just like the real thing. And gives you just as bad of breathe. AWESOME. 
• Water: 68 oz and counting.

What are your favorite healthy substitutes for your “we have issues” food (aka, guilty pleasures)?? Did you buy yourself a Vegetti???

Hello. My name is Cari. And… My Blog Made Me Fat

Disclaimer: No one asked me to write any of this. Especially the part about Shakeology. Ok?

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Readers, hello. It’s me – Cari Jeanne. Whoa – I know, I know. I kind of abandoned you like … too many months ago to count. Here are my excuses: I was planning a wedding. Then, I was in a wedding (mine). Then, I was honeymooning. Then, I got a puppy (he gets here Saturday!). Then, Mr. Grumpy and I bought a house.

Ok! So you’re all caught up. What’s new with you guys??? I promise no more big life changes for at least another nine months (haha… get it? KIDDING! I am not preggers!).

The Move-In-With-Your-Boyfriend 20 (similar to the Freshman 15)
Listen people. This is a real thing. It is a known fact that women gain weight when they move in with their boy toys. This is completely men’s fault. Men can eat a WHOLE lot more food than women, plus eight candy bars a night, and never gain a pound. In fact, most men look BETTER as they age (um, hello – George Clooney, P. Dempsey, Ironman).

As my dad once told me, “Life is unfair and then you die.” This is what he was talking about. Thus the new title – My Blog Made Me Fat. Ok, stop – I know I am not FAT per say. But, in giving Mr. Grumpy the same portions as me for every meal for the last three years, am I 20 pounds heavier? Yeah. Very uncomfortable in my jeans? Hell yeah. Still not Ryan Gosling’s arm candy? We’re not talking about that…

From CrossFit Girls

So we are going to do something about it. Now, don’t fret. I’m still the same gal from Home with You, with the same old Mr. Grumpy. But we need a fresh start, my friends.

Introducing: My Blog Made Me Fat
What will you find here moving forward? I’m going to share my workouts, tips on staying healthy and of course, those good old recipes that I always shared minus the white grains, cheese and fatty meats. Why? Because it’s the New Year. And we deserve BETTER than this self-loathing body bashing that we ALL did ALL last year. We’re going to feel great – together – and we’re going to get our butts in shape. And then, Channing Tatum will dump his wife just to come marry us all. You. Are. So. Welcome.

I will also VERY likely share a ridiculous amounts of pictures of my puppy, Oscar the Grouch, who like I said … arrives this Saturday. It’s going to be very difficult for Mr. Grumpy to remain as such with an adorable Goldendoodle running around, so that will be interesting and equally amusing.

So, let’s get started. I’ve been involved in an amazing accountability group since January 5 called, “Fit and Fabulous in 2015.” And the best start to that group was setting reasonable (I SAID REASONABLE) goals for yourself to follow for 21 days. Mine are to workout five days a week and not cheat on half-marathon training. I signed up for the Pittsburgh Half Marathon, which will be an uphill battle literally and figuratively.

Note: I did not say, “I’m going to lose 20 pounds in TWO WEEKS.” That is ridiculous unless you want to eat nothing but lettuce and mustard and be a huge grump-ass. You’ll also feel like shit and probably not have the energy to work out. So there. Don’t do that shit.

So, come with me, friends! What are your fitness goals for the next three weeks? Let’s stick to them together – (and then treat ourselves to a glass of wine because WE ARE WORTH IT!).

Tuesday Workout: 35 minutes of Insanity Max 30’s Tabata Power.

This sounds like it will be the easier of the week’s workouts but is it? Hell no. Shaun T – boy, that man is a sweat ball – really makes you work on this. Then, in the last five minutes he completely loses his mind and makes you do all the hardest moves from the last 30 minutes at max speed until you literally can’t remember what happiness feels like. You consider you may be close to death. Then, it’s over and you’re like … whoa – did I black out? No, my friends. You did not. You maxed out. God speed if you want to join me on this battle – I’ve got 56 more days of insanity and T’s shiny, shiny bod. (I think it will be worth it, don’t you?)

Almost to my goals and it’s only 9 pm!

 

Tuesday Clean Eating:

• Shakeology Breakfast: The deal with Shakeology is that basically you swap out one meal a day and it helps you lose cravings for stuff that you should not be snacking on at 3 p.m. at work every day (ahem)… And no kidding, it really works. Since I’ve started using Shakeology, I feel ten times more energized and I no longer have bouts of hunger where I feel like I have to eat everything in sight, including the chocolate peanut butter clusters and peppermint bark I got for Xmas. (Damn you, Santa)
• Snack 1: (The trick is to eat every 2-3 hours. This sounds absurd, but trust me. It WILL help you!) Grapes!
• Lunch: Whole wheat pasta tossed in olive oil with feta, olives and sun dried tomatoes. Yes, this is allowed though not completely ideal. It’s all about PORTIONS and not eating things that are BRIGHT WHITE like Wonder Bread or normal pasta or raviolis stuffed with cheese. Or cheesecake. That’s definitely out. Also, if you HAVE to eat out for lunch (which I did today), it’s important to know that no one is perfect. You can’t eat completely healthy all the time because you are not a fembot like Sandra Lee. So, give yourself a break. Ok? Just be smart-ish when you give yourself a break.
• Snack 2: Celery
• Dinner: Salmon Coconut Curry from Runner’s World Cookbook.
• Total Water Consumed (you should drink half your weight in water): 90 oz and counting! Woop!

Favorite Recipe of the Day: Dinner
This was an amazing dinner. It is full of antioxidents and is low-fat but energizing with yummy goodness like coconut milk, cilantro, salmon (yes, I ate and I touched salmon. It wasn’t fun at first, but it was … worth it), sweet potatoes and CURRY!

Since I didn’t make the recipe myself, I don’t want to ruin Runner’s World’s life by sharing it … not that I think they’d notice little ‘ol me down here in Minionville, but basically, chop some shallots, and saute with minced garlic. Add coconut milk, curry, cayenne pepper, cumin, sweet taters and chicken stock (low sodium!) and let it simmer for 20 minutes. Add salmon, frozen peas and lime juice. Enjoy! (Dash of cilantro on the top makes bellies very happy).

Here is a really bad picture:

So, tell me – what are your fitness goals for the next 21 days? What will be your biggest challenge in making those goals? Good luck, everyone! We can do this! (Also, if you want to try Shakeology, you should definitely contact my Beach Body coach – who has no idea I’m writing this! – she is so encouraging and is my fearless leader into a whirlwind of fitness fun and pain. All of the pain.