Hello. My name is Cari. And… My Blog Made Me Fat

Disclaimer: No one asked me to write any of this. Especially the part about Shakeology. Ok?


Readers, hello. It’s me – Cari Jeanne. Whoa – I know, I know. I kind of abandoned you like … too many months ago to count. Here are my excuses: I was planning a wedding. Then, I was in a wedding (mine). Then, I was honeymooning. Then, I got a puppy (he gets here Saturday!). Then, Mr. Grumpy and I bought a house.

Ok! So you’re all caught up. What’s new with you guys??? I promise no more big life changes for at least another nine months (haha… get it? KIDDING! I am not preggers!).

The Move-In-With-Your-Boyfriend 20 (similar to the Freshman 15)
Listen people. This is a real thing. It is a known fact that women gain weight when they move in with their boy toys. This is completely men’s fault. Men can eat a WHOLE lot more food than women, plus eight candy bars a night, and never gain a pound. In fact, most men look BETTER as they age (um, hello – George Clooney, P. Dempsey, Ironman).

As my dad once told me, “Life is unfair and then you die.” This is what he was talking about. Thus the new title – My Blog Made Me Fat. Ok, stop – I know I am not FAT per say. But, in giving Mr. Grumpy the same portions as me for every meal for the last three years, am I 20 pounds heavier? Yeah. Very uncomfortable in my jeans? Hell yeah. Still not Ryan Gosling’s arm candy? We’re not talking about that…

From CrossFit Girls

From CrossFit Girls

So we are going to do something about it. Now, don’t fret. I’m still the same gal from Home with You, with the same old Mr. Grumpy. But we need a fresh start, my friends.

Introducing: My Blog Made Me Fat
What will you find here moving forward? I’m going to share my workouts, tips on staying healthy and of course, those good old recipes that I always shared minus the white grains, cheese and fatty meats. Why? Because it’s the New Year. And we deserve BETTER than this self-loathing body bashing that we ALL did ALL last year. We’re going to feel great – together – and we’re going to get our butts in shape. And then, Channing Tatum will dump his wife just to come marry us all. You. Are. So. Welcome.

I will also VERY likely share a ridiculous amounts of pictures of my puppy, Oscar the Grouch, who like I said … arrives this Saturday. It’s going to be very difficult for Mr. Grumpy to remain as such with an adorable Goldendoodle running around, so that will be interesting and equally amusing.

So, let’s get started. I’ve been involved in an amazing accountability group since January 5 called, “Fit and Fabulous in 2015.” And the best start to that group was setting reasonable (I SAID REASONABLE) goals for yourself to follow for 21 days. Mine are to workout five days a week and not cheat on half-marathon training. I signed up for the Pittsburgh Half Marathon, which will be an uphill battle literally and figuratively.

Note: I did not say, “I’m going to lose 20 pounds in TWO WEEKS.” That is ridiculous unless you want to eat nothing but lettuce and mustard and be a huge grump-ass. You’ll also feel like shit and probably not have the energy to work out. So there. Don’t do that shit.

So, come with me, friends! What are your fitness goals for the next three weeks? Let’s stick to them together – (and then treat ourselves to a glass of wine because WE ARE WORTH IT!).

Tuesday Workout: 35 minutes of Insanity Max 30’s Tabata Power.

This sounds like it will be the easier of the week’s workouts but is it? Hell no. Shaun T – boy, that man is a sweat ball – really makes you work on this. Then, in the last five minutes he completely loses his mind and makes you do all the hardest moves from the last 30 minutes at max speed until you literally can’t remember what happiness feels like. You consider you may be close to death. Then, it’s over and you’re like … whoa – did I black out? No, my friends. You did not. You maxed out. God speed if you want to join me on this battle – I’ve got 56 more days of insanity and T’s shiny, shiny bod. (I think it will be worth it, don’t you?)

photo

Almost to my goals and it’s only 9 pm!

 

Tuesday Clean Eating:

  • Shakeology Breakfast: The deal with Shakeology is that basically you swap out one meal a day and it helps you lose cravings for stuff that you should not be snacking on at 3 p.m. at work every day (ahem)… And no kidding, it really works. Since I’ve started using Shakeology, I feel ten times more energized and I no longer have bouts of hunger where I feel like I have to eat everything in sight, including the chocolate peanut butter clusters and peppermint bark I got for Xmas. (Damn you, Santa)
  • Snack 1: (The trick is to eat every 2-3 hours. This sounds absurd, but trust me. It WILL help you!) Grapes!
  • Lunch: Whole wheat pasta tossed in olive oil with feta, olives and sun dried tomatoes. Yes, this is allowed though not completely ideal. It’s all about PORTIONS and not eating things that are BRIGHT WHITE like Wonder Bread or normal pasta or raviolis stuffed with cheese. Or cheesecake. That’s definitely out. Also, if you HAVE to eat out for lunch (which I did today), it’s important to know that no one is perfect. You can’t eat completely healthy all the time because you are not a fembot like Sandra Lee. So, give yourself a break. Ok? Just be smart-ish when you give yourself a break.
  • Snack 2: Celery
  • Dinner: Salmon Coconut Curry from Runner’s World Cookbook.
  • Total Water Consumed (you should drink half your weight in water): 90 oz and counting! Woop!

Favorite Recipe of the Day: Dinner
This was an amazing dinner. It is full of antioxidents and is low-fat but energizing with yummy goodness like coconut milk, cilantro, salmon (yes, I ate and I touched salmon. It wasn’t fun at first, but it was … worth it), sweet potatoes and CURRY!

Since I didn’t make the recipe myself, I don’t want to ruin Runner’s World’s life by sharing it … not that I think they’d notice little ‘ol me down here in Minionville, but basically, chop some shallots, and saute with minced garlic. Add coconut milk, curry, cayenne pepper, cumin, sweet taters and chicken stock (low sodium!) and let it simmer for 20 minutes. Add salmon, frozen peas and lime juice. Enjoy! (Dash of cilantro on the top makes bellies very happy).

Here is a really bad picture:
10931365_10102839361613484_5354114720986923121_n

So, tell me – what are your fitness goals for the next 21 days? What will be your biggest challenge in making those goals? Good luck, everyone! We can do this! (Also, if you want to try Shakeology, you should definitely contact my Beach Body coach – who has no idea I’m writing this! – she is so encouraging and is my fearless leader into a whirlwind of fitness fun and pain. All of the pain.

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